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Crazy people update

Once again, I have become a magnet for the crazy.

On Tuesday, my friend Phil and I were trying to think of somewhere to grab food after swimming. While we were doing that, I remembered I didn't have any cash on me, so we headed to the Bank of Ireland ATMs on Westmoreland Street.

On the left ATM, I felt that there was something fishy about it. I could see some loose connectors behind one of the clear plastic panels, and the face-plate seemed a bit raised. We walked over to the ATM on the right, and I noticed that the face-plate there was a different colour and shape. We walked back to the first ATM, and I told the two girls who were just about to use it that I suspected it had been tampered with. I started to take down the number from the ATM on my phone.

Enter crazy person number one

A homeless man with a crutch walked up to us and got extremely close; he was about two feet from us. Because of how he was positioned, he had effectively trapped us between him and the wall. He leaned in and croaked: “D’ya have any change?

I’m not a huge fan of people trying to intimidate me, so I told him “No, sorry” and tried to walk off. In disbelief, he shouted back: “D’ya not have any money for me leg?

He pulled up his left trouser leg to reveal a perfectly rectangular open wound on his lower shin. It was clearly infected; yellow and so horrible to look at it even defeated my strong stomach. I felt like getting sick.

To those reading this who are from the States, I should point out that our health care system means he could just go to the hospital and have it treated, for free.

I’m a fan of neither physical intimidation or being shown open, infected wounds, so both Phil and I said sorry and tried to slip by him. He took offense at this and shouted in my ear: “Ah gerh away ourra dah! Go home an’ suck yer da’s cock!

As we walked away, I dialed the number from the ATM to report its suspicious appearance. The crazy guy must have seen this as, while the phone dialed, he began shouting after me: “Gerh away ya bollox, ya fuckin’ rah!

What a pleasant chap.

We went to Lemon Jelly (who were playing Cinematic Orchestra, legends) and had a crepe. After that, we started up the nearby alley to Dame Street, to head up to Starbucks for some coffee.

Enter crazy person number two

We saw a woman in here fifties or sixties coming towards us, shouting something I couldn’t quite make out. As we got closer, I realised what it was. Over and over, she was shouting “God wasn’t a bastard! People are bastards! God was never a bastard!

We got closer and she looked at us, and changed her words to “God was born in a stable! With animals!

I tell you, they are after me. Hey, at least the stable lady wasn’t trying to threatening me. That’s a fairly major improvement.

Comments

Conall Mahon:

One of you funniest post to date. The voice clips were a great idea. Next time, if I may suggest an idea, rest your finger on the keybord while recording in order to eliminate the tapping of a key at the end of each sound clip. I hate my life at the moment. Exams in one week.

Posted at June 18, 2006 11:16 PM

john:

.... funny
you maintain that you are a a sane bystandered in the shit gargling madnees
yet did you (a person in their 20's )look so sane when playing with the supersoakers

Posted at June 19, 2006 01:55 AM

Jess:

Hahahaha, the MP3s made this.

*snort snort*

Posted at June 19, 2006 06:52 AM

David Barrett:

Perhaps when you grow up, John, you'll realise that there is more to maturity than acting like you are dead inside, and shouting at any activities that seem remotely childlike (like having good, clean innocent fun).

And maybe you'll also STOP STALKING ME. Or say hello so I can shoot you in the face with my Triple Aggressor Super Soaker. Either one is cool with me.

Posted at June 19, 2006 09:51 AM

John:

stalking??? ...whatever floats your boat!

nah i know how to have fun. I mean c'mon it was me who started the whole "Playing Twister On Grafton Street" craze
well me and Yaz, it was my twister mat though!
that accounts for something right?

Posted at June 19, 2006 02:38 PM

David Barrett:

Seriously dude, just say hello the next time you see me.

Repeatedly reporting my movements back to me, or calling me on my mobile to say "It's John, from your blog!" before hanging up out of embarrassment... that's kind of creepy, particularly as I don't really know who you are and have never had an actual conversation with you.

Posted at June 19, 2006 03:11 PM

john:

"""or calling me on my mobile to say "It's John, from your blog!" before hanging up out of embarrassment... that's kind of creepy,"""

yeah that is kinda creepy, considering it never happened.
ok next time i see you, ill just scream your name... or something about pigeons.

Posted at June 19, 2006 05:36 PM

David Barrett:

Alright then John, if it wasn't you, it was someone PRETENDING to be you. Which is both unlikely and, even if true, possibly more creepy.

Posted at June 19, 2006 11:08 PM

Jess:

Completely off topic, I thought of you when I saw this:
http://threadless.com/product/490/Meat_is_Murder_Tasty_Tasty_Murder

Posted at June 20, 2006 07:00 PM

John:

""PRETENDING to be you""

could happen... my brother once rang me pretending he was his girlfriends dad, trying to get very gritty info of me about him. convincing he was, you know what i did???
i hung up!!!

Posted at June 21, 2006 12:40 AM
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