Entries made in June 2004

Darn that chicken

Neil

Shout el pollo diablo esta en mi pantalones y esta embarasando mi cabeza quite loudly.

Me

The devils pole in my pants has embarrased me?

Neil

The devil chicken is in my pants and is impregnating my head.

Wish list

The test lies

Another big pack of lies from Tickle, courtesy of the Are you Evil? test.

70 percent good, 30 percent evil

Good for you, you're human. We all have evil thoughts, and you may have acted on a few of yours, but you're probably okay traveling through Buffy's turf. Or maybe you're an aspiring evil person and you've never given yourself a real chance. Go ahead and forgive yourself for the mean-spirited — but ultimately harmless — pranks you pulled in grade school. Whispering behind your co-workers' backs won't flood you with bad karma. And we've all held out for ourselves in the throes of passion a time or two. So keep listening to that conscience of yours, but don't worry about tuning it out every so often. Keep reading for more evil details!

70 percent sexually good, 30 percent sexually evil

So, you have a healthy sex drive — good for you! No one likes a prude. In general, you give as well as you get, though everyone can get a little selfish under the covers, so don't beat yourself up about going for the big one on your birthday. And while you're at it, go ahead and admit it — you've probably flashed a big smile to get your way in the bedroom before. But for the most part, you strike us as a pretty generous lover who's doing well at keeping your raw, sexual power in check. Yeah, baby!

5 percent passive-aggressive, 95 percent not passive agressive

I translate this as 95 percent agressive agressive

Okay, admit it — sometimes you'd rather avoid face-to-face conflict. Now, was telling us that to our face so hard? No. Being up front about any concerns as soon as you have them, rather than letting them build up and turn into, say, a tire-slashing incident, is a good thing. And it sure beats getting a reputation as someone with a taste for revenge. Sure, you probably wouldn't make a very good bouncer, but that's okay. Take comfort from the fact that, overall, we think you're just swell.

35 percent black-hearted, 65 percent not black-hearted

Your heart's a little dark, but your kindness makes up for any evil deeds (except for that stunt you pulled in elementary school — yes, that one — tsk, tsk, that was pure wickedness). But you can forgive yourself for coming off as a meanie, because if you were 100 percent sweet, you wouldn't be normal. So continue being considerate of others, and remember — when you get cut off in traffic, it's okay to give the finger every once in awhile.

Conclusion

This is the last cliched post you'll ever see on this site. Cliche's are bad, a pox upon humanity akin to day-time television. Let's work to make them stop, people.

I'm a bad man

I was talking to Claire today. Anyone who thinks that I'm a good man will have that illusion shattered by this conversation we had:

Claire

I am searching for a poem or a reading on love that we want you to read at the wedding service.

Dave

I think you should just go with the herpes one.

Claire

Ok. It's a done deal.

Dave

Sorted. I was thinking of stuff to put on my own wedding invitations, if and when I get married.

Claire

*laughs* FREAK.

Dave

No, you'll like this one. There'd be a time table of events, and at the end would be "Sex", followed by "Sex", then "Making love". My granny would have an eppo.

Claire

Only if she had epilepsy.

Dave

No, this would give her epilepsy. And then the card would flash a light on and off rapidly.

Claire

You're bold.

Dave

I know.

I'm glad my Granny doesn't know how to use the internet.

GMail invites going

GMail just keeps giving me invites. I have three to give away to the first three people to ask for them. Just pop your name and email address in the comments, and I'll send you one along.

Update: In the end, I gave away five invites. All are gone now. If I give any more to give away, I'll be sure to offer them here.

Second update: Google has given me six more invites, I'll be handing these out too. Justin, James and Hala should expect their invites soon. From now I'm only giving out invites to those that meet the following criteria:

1. I need your first name and your family name. I'm tired of typing "Something" as a family name. Preference will be given to those who correctly capitalise their name.
2. I obviously need an email address.
3. Anyone who is a little too enthusiastic doesn't get one. This is for your own good... it's only an email account.
4. Don't make a bad joke like Justins. Just ask for your invite, and if I have one left you'll get it. Preference will be given to those who ask politely.
5. If you've already gotten an invite, you don't get another one. Your friends want a GMail account too? Then use your account... Google should give you some invites that you can hand out yourself.

I seem to get six a day, so I'll be handing these out for as long as I get them.

Third update: I haven't received any more invites to hand out. If I get any more, I'll try and clear the queue here. I'm not accepting any more requests for invites, as I'm getting requests faster than I can answer.

If anyone who has already gotten an invite from me is still reading this - if you get invites yourself, please consider donating them back to the people in the comments. Email me at david.barrett@gmail.com, telling me how many invites you have to give out, and I'll co-ordinate the distribution. Thanks.

I am Bat Boy

I thought I'd lighten the tone a bit. Things are getting a bit serious, far too serious for my tastes. It's time to lighten things up a little.

This is a picture of me when I was a kid. It was Hallowe'en (at least, I hope it was Hallowe'en) and I had dressed up like a vampire. I think I made one bad-ass vampire.

What's ironic is that a couple of years later, I was convinced I was a werewolf. Sure, I didn't break out in fur every full moon; but I felt that the hair was just under my skin. I thought that I was some sort of kid werewolf, and that when I grew older the superhuman strength and agility (and bright, shiny, healthy-looking coat) would develop as a matter of course.

In short, I was a pretty crazy kid. Surely you can tell from the photo?

Thankfully, I've gotten over such childish delusions. Now I think I'm Spiderman.

Sometimes, I'm an asshole

My last journal entry here, I showed that it's easy to exact revenge on someone who rips off your layout by simply linking to your CSS file. But more than that: I showed that sometimes I'm a complete and utter asshole.

My joke went way too far. I've sent an email to 1VO3000 apologising for my actions, and offered to design a new site for him. I'll also be password protecting the stupidripoffs folder where this and future site rips will be stored.

1VO3000 shouldn't have ripped off my site. I shouldn't have taken such a childish and vengeful response. As 1VO3000 is a 15 year old kid who was just trying to make a website for himself, I think it's pretty clear who's the bigger idiot here.

Don't rip me off

I keep a close eye on my web stats. Probably the biggest reason I do this is vanity; I like if I see I'm getting a lot of traffic, and I like to see who's linking to me. If I see that my site traffic is increasing, that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I looked at my stats this morning to see a lot of traffic from a geocities site:

I suspected all of these referrers came from some automatically set up webpage for some spam bot. It's happened before, but I thought I'd check it out. I found something very familiar:

Right. My brand new site design, so new I haven't even had a chance to write about it or even finish off, has been ripped. This is not on; this is stealing my work. But still, why are the number of referrers so high? I didn't notice a link to my site on the page, so I looked at the source:

Instead of copying the CSS, the idiot had linked directly to my CSS file. On my server. So I wrote him a new CSS file and made sure his site was served it with this .htaccess file:

Go have a look at the idiot's website. I've saved a copy of the infringment, as well as a copy of my revenge in case he changes his site. If it still looks like mine, just hit refresh (that's F5 or Ctrl + F5). Just make sure to hit it again when you come back here!

I feel good.

Update: It looks like I've scared the guy off. His site is deleted. I still have a copy of both the infringement and my revenge for people to look at. Hopefully a few people got to see it first over at his site. I don't think he appreciated Paul's photoshopping.