I'm a bad man

I was talking to Claire today. Anyone who thinks that I'm a good man will have that illusion shattered by this conversation we had:

Claire: I am searching for a poem or a reading on love that we want you to read at the wedding service.
Dave: I think you should just go with the herpes one.
Claire: Ok. It's a done deal.
Dave: Sorted. I was thinking of stuff to put on my own wedding invitations, if and when I get married.
Claire: *laughs* FREAK.
Dave: No, you'll like this one. There'd be a time table of events, and at the end would be "Sex", followed by "Sex", then "Making love". My granny would have an eppo.
Claire: Only if she had epilepsy.
Dave: No, this would give her epilepsy. And then the card would flash a light on and off rapidly.
Claire: You're bold.
Dave: I know.