Sorry guys, I'm just a legend

In response to the claim that Santa isn't real:

I shot Santa with my 12-gauge. Motherfucker was trying to steal my pies.

I said: "Get yo hands off my pies, bitch".

Then he called me a ho, so I blasted his ass back to the north pole.

On finding out that a someone had made an online questionaire to find out what type of kiss you had:

You have a vomit kiss. Your partner is always trying to dodge the advances of your lips, because quite frankly your breath stinks of puke. Perhaps you should spice things up with some breath mints, or maybe just roll up into the corner and die?

And my personal favourite, how I expressed my legend status to the web audience: