I hate pigeons
You heard me. Those filthy grey feathered flying rats. Half of them have club feet because of pigeon leprosy, and all of them are out to get me.
This probably seems paranoid to you. "O", you laugh, "that pigeons are one nuisance of a pest is no excuse for paranoid delusions!" And you'd be right; that is no cause for suspicion of some sort of pigeon conspiracy. What is a reason is the amount of times that I have been cornered, chased and buzzed by pigeons. Just today one came within inches of my head. And that is nothing to the insult that is having stinking pigeon pooh launched into your face.
I will walk down the street, and several pigeons will converge on my position, walling me in until there is no escape. These are the only creatures I can say I would be happy to burn alive (preferably by shooting one of those flaming arrows into them).
So much do I hate them, that I have taken a cue from McDonalds and made a little jingle. It's called Pigeons, and is in my best skanger accent.
Comments
[m]:
Bring a falcon next time. See how fast those pigeons can fly.
Nice accent bytheway.
DMT:
Pidgeons eat puke from the streets of Dublin - this is a good thing....
Dean Watson:
they have been after me for years using a series of taps with there beaks in a kind of evil morse code to notify other pigeons to attach! there beedy eyes always watching you waiting preying on the time my back is turned
dean watson:
I meant attack you see what they do they emitte a high pitch noise to scramble your brain why do they come to me to die? why do they come to me to die?!!!!!!!!!
Rabiur:
You are not alone, i have hated pigeons for eternity, by my calculations they shall soon evolve into wingless creatures, then we can all unite beast and human alike to rid of this filth. What the hell is that stupid sound all about that they make, each morning i wake up to that one damn repititive sound!!, I am being driven to create a scarecrow for each part of my roof or invest in an air rifle. Other than that i am quite normal. I even like spiders. But pigeons need killing.
the dingo:
pigeons are beautiful, if it was legal and scientifically possible, i would take pigeon and mate with it, i would be honored to have its child gestating inside of me. i would call my bird/child QUOLL-pigeon-mannfred
diana the9:
I love quolls!!!!!
oh... I mran poigorne zsdz
i want to eating one and putting its head on my hat, my trelepohone ringer is a pigeon COOOOOOING
THEY are soo sexy pigeons, especially when they stick their head into mcdonalds fries
FRANKIE THE PIGEON:
COOOO COOOO COOOO COOO
WE ARE COMING TO GET YOU, US PIGEONS WILL FLY TO YOUR HOUSE AND FLAP OUR UGLY MAGGOTY WINGS FULL OF GRIME AND GERMS AND DISEASE AND MAYONAISE AND WE SHALL FLY INTO YOUR MOUTHS AND YOU WILL SWALLOW US AND WE WILL PECK OUT YOUR INSIDES AND EAT ALL OF YOUR ORGANS AND THEN WE SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
aduff:
pigeons do not have clubbed feet due to leporsy the reason is that children try to catch them with string or fishing line when this snaps and the poor birds foot rots away due to the string stopping circulation to the birds foot pigeons have fed people for hundreds of years
fran:
you r horrible if pigions wernt alive we wud have rats eating our rubbish. yesterday i helped a igiored pigion and now its in my house recovering so shut the hell up and there more scared off u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sophie:
i hate pigeons! they are really fat like mini dogs and i have seen sum that are sooo fat they look like they have cellulite! they can barely fly and more, they just fall of fences and waddle everywhere, and then when you put bird feeder on a table and they eat it all, like you can't see them enough!!! When you walk through town they fly at your head and you have to run from near decapitation!
The Random Dude:
Dude, i totally agree with u, fucking pigeons.... burn them all! i threw a skittle at one once. fucking rocked. well , enjoy ur little pigeon hate fest. later on pigeon haters.
Fran's Pigeon:
Fran im afraid its true... us pigeons do plan to take over the world.... i was injured whilst on a secret mission to blow up the humans but i accidently ate the secret weapon (because us pigeons are stupid and eat anything) and thats why i was that 'ignored pigeon' u saw on the streets. My fellow pigeons rejected me because i failed my mission to put an end to the war. But thx for helping me recover..... u should have killed me when u had the chance...pathetic humans........ MHWUHAHAHAHA!
Crow o.0 Kwa:
Damn pigeons! I hate you all so much. You are nothing compared to me... A CROW... Kwa.. Yeah... Im the satanic turtle mooing you hear when your sleeping; Im the 2 eyes from the east... Yes, IM THE BEAST! o.0 these eyes will never stop looking at you.... PIGEON!! KWA! We are what will destroy the pigeons... Join Me Humans! Let there be a great battle of the kwa worlds! KWA!
Crow o.0 Kwa:
P.S I also video tape you as you fuck and i sell it on E-kwa-Bay!
General Crow O.o:
Captain, our army is attacking! the pathetic pigeons are getting wiped out! MHUWHAHAHAHA now is the time to attack humans! let us crush them together! may crows and humans live along side eachother forever! i shall fly to battle now..... I SEE FRANS PIGEON! mhwuahahaha stupid pigeon! DIE ! *launches a fire arrow* DIRECT HIT. RIGHT through his tiny balls, yeap, mission accomplised.
Nolfrod the pigeon master of west Chicago:
You humans think you are sooooo intellegent just because you have opposable thumbs and can use digital watches; but, my pathetic friends, you are nothing. Our day will come and when it does you will perish. Pigeons will rule the world!!!!!! Already we have hyptnotized the elderly and children; do you not see how they mechanically feed us every day? Together with our squirrel allies we will take over your towns, your cities, and eventually the world!!! I laugh maniacly at you: BWAHAHAHAHAHAMUHHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!
The Exterminator:
Pigeons are stupid and deserve to be killed in many painful ways. Getting them pissed and lobbing them off a very high place usually does the job or catapulting one ice-cube right between the eyes will make them have a seizure and then die soon after.
Getting them trapped in a corner and shooting fuck out of them with fishing boilers is also very effective.
Cheryl:
oooh man! pigeons = death. my room mate and I made a sign for our balcony that says "pigeons are the bane of the earth" and there is a picture of one with a red circle with a slash through it, like the no smoking signs. they nested on our baldone, COVERED it in so much crap you couldn't walk anywhere. so once we got rid of them it took like a full day to scrape the crap off of the concrete that they so kindly pooped out for us. and now their babies keep trying to nest there too.....but they'll never succeed! NOT THIS TIME! oooh pigeons I hate thee with such a passion *fist shaking!*
Simone:
I HATE PIGEONS, THEY'RE THE WORST EVER! YESTERDAY, I WAS SO MAD AT THEM, I KICKED ONE! IN THE ASS! ONE DAY, I'M GOING TO KILL OFF THE WHOLE PIGEON RACE SO WE LIVE IN PEACE! AND I'LL TRY TO KEEP KICKING PIGEONS 'TIL I DIE, MAN!
Nadine:
I AM REALLY REALLY SCARED AND HATE PIGEONS!!. They are disgusting and I am so sure they are trying to take over the world, don't you see that day by day they become less scared of us...here in London we have a SERIOUS pigeon problem, something needs to be done. They are taking over the world I tell you!!!!!
dave:
this is hilarious. Im trying to find a way to keep them off my roof- and I stumble onto this freakshow!
ah -hahahahah
JiggaDigga:
Great reading, keep up the great posts.
Peace, JiggaDigga
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About this entry
Dave posted this entry at 10:24 PM on March 09, 2004. This entry was posted in the category Humour .
Clairebo:
And pigeons hate YOU.